When she was browsing around her local bookstore, my friend Kathy found herself staring at adorable baby books and plush baby toys. She wanted to scoop them up and send them to her year-old grandniece whose birthday was in a few days.
She resisted the scoop. Instead, she took photos of one or two books and two or three plush toys, texted them to her niece (the baby’s mother) and asked: Would the baby like these?
Her niece’s reply surprised her. Not the part where she said the baby would love the books and toys. It was the thank you that was included in the note. Her niece appreciated her aunt asking about whether the proposed gift would be something the baby would enjoy, that the family could use.
Kathy got the backstory from her sister. The grandfather–Kathy’s sister’s ex-husband–had been showering his granddaughter with gifts: a tricycle, a play kitchen, an indoor slide. The baby was at least a year or two away from using these gifts and the family was tight on storage space. What little extra room there was in the back of their garage was now taken up with the bulky play things. Would the family even remember the make-believe stove and sink was in the back of the garage two years from now?
Kathy’s approach isn’t limited to baby gifts. Most of us are occasionally guilty of sending a present to a loved one that we think they’ll like. Maybe we’re at a street fair or traveling and see a set of hand-crafted wooden bowls that we’re sure our son and his wife would love. Or a Turkish rug with just the right colors for their living room. Or a painting that’s in the style of their other artwork. It could be that if you do offer these treasures up as gifts, the bowls will be used, the rug unfurled, and the painting hung. But maybe they miss the mark. Instead of pleasure, they’re a pain.
Borrowing a page from Kathy, it seems better to forego the joy of spontaneity and, given the tech wonders readily available on our phones, let the potential giftee preview what you have in mind. That way, the sweater you want to give your teenage grandson for Christmas will actually be worn and even loved.
painting: Berthe Morisot
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