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© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

Giving hand

The headline is provocative: "Why I Am Giving My Children Their Inheritance Now." The NYTimes story was told in the first person by a man who said of his financial standing, "I know what wealthy is. And I know my wife and I are not." Nonetheless Paul Brown, an occasional columnist for the NYTimes and the author of best-selling business books, clearly has a comfortable amount of disposable income and not many major expenses ahead of him–he has finished financing his children's college education.

That is why, he writes, he and his wife decided to begin to give each of their four children part of their inheritance now. Now, as in while their children are still setting themselves up in life as opposed to later when Brown and his wife are no longer around and the children are set up–living their lives with presumably there own reservoirs of disposable income.

Turns out the headline is a tad more provocative than what Brown is doing. Many of us give our grown children financial gifts in the here and now–or "loans" that we do not expect them to repay. Most of us do it on an ad hoc basis. Brown is more organized. He gives each of his children an annual check. He reports that the money is used by each of his kids in different–albeit responsible–ways: to buy a house, to fund a college account for a newborn, to start a business, to boost a savings account.

He seems to be saying what paterfamilias and I have long believed: If we are fortunate enough to have raised children who don't feel entitled –as Brown says his children do not–and who don't have wild or crazy spending habits, then why not share the wealth now when they need it. It's all well and good to believe they should be independent and stand on their own two feet. But how pleasurable it is to help them out.

Here are three reasons Brown gives for giving himself that pleasure:

They can use the money now

They are going to get the money anyway, in the form of an inheritance.

Who wants them waiting around for you to…… Brown spells it out this way: "Why, as a parent, would you want your children — even if it is on some tiny, tiny, tiny subconscious level — waiting around for you to die, so they can inherit money they could use now?"

Brown also notes that he and his wife have prepared the best they can for the future, saving money for retirement and carrying good health insurance. They are giving their children money that is expendable. It brings to mind a post I wrote  about a question Carl Richards (the "Sketch Guy" financial adviser who also writes for the NYTimes) raises about money: How much is enough? When we can answer that query we may want to share the excess with those we love.

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4 responses to “Leaving a Legacy: The case for giving them a share of your worldly goods now”

  1. Ann Segal Avatar
    Ann Segal

    My husband and I agree. Holding onto our best estimate of what we may need over the coming years plus a bit more for unexpected (mostly health related) expenses since we certainly do not want them to have to support us, we invest in our kids and grandkids (the latter with 529’s). The younger families need the money more now than if we wait plus the selfish part is that we get to enjoy what they do with it or at least to feel good that they are more secure since they use it for important things–changing a house to fit that adorable 3rd child or saving for college times or to allow them to create enough retirement funds. It’s just good intergenerational business.

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  2. Cathy Avatar

    Thought provoking. But no matter how much you have, you have no idea how long you will love of what the costs of your care will be. I’m for letting them have what’s left after we’re gone.

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  3. penpen Avatar

    There is always that balancing and rebalancing act–how much do we need if we don’t know how long we’ll be needing it and what our health needs will be. Though Brown says he isn’t wealthy, his measure is the ownership of globe-sailing yachts and multiple mansions. (People he came in contact with through his work). He admits to being very comfortable. So at some point there is enough to share now and on a regular basis. Most of us (in the comfortable category) can only share occasionally, if at all.

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  4. penny Avatar

    You’ve put it perfectly, especially the pleasure part.

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