PenPenWrites

The gift-giving mania of the Holidays is finally over for now. We no longer have to sidestep the occasional requests for what sort of present we’d like from our kids or grandkids. Except that it really isn’t over: Birthdays, Mother’s or Father’s Days and various anniversaries are still coming up. If a grandkid or grown kid asks what you’d like for a Special Day, I’ve got a worthy suggestion for you.

I didn’t think it up myself. A friend of mine did. She used it this past Christmas. Let me lay it out for you:

My friend, A, is a grandmother whose grandkids have been growing up and away geographically as well as more distant as they age into their teen and young adult years. For her Christmas present this year, she asked each of her grandkids to write her a letter. More specifically, a letter (in any form–email, typed, handwritten) that, in effect, went deep.

She shared her gift-ask letter with me so I’ll quote bits of it directly:

• I am asking you to write me a letter (which can remain confidential, if you wish) and tell me who you are today.
• What do you like to do? What are your goals? Where do you see yourself by 2030? Doing what? What are your fears or concerns? What are your strengths? If you could change yourself or the world around you, what would you change and why?
• Write more than a surface letter. This is an introspective one—a real set of your feelings and a picture of who you really are. I will write back.
• This is a big gift and one I will treasure.

Did she get what she wanted?

• Seven of eight of her grandkids responded. (The youngest, who’s 11, is still working on his.) One wrote about how she did not fit in when she was in high school and what she learned about herself from that. Another wrote that he was a happy person who believed things would always work out but worried about the uncertainty of the future. Another wrote about how difficult it was to be the younger sibling of a brother who was an athletic superstar.
• None tackled the question of “how I’d change the world.”
• The letters renewed the rapport she had with her grandkids when they were younger and lived near her.
• She’s is making good on her promise to them: She has been writing back.

photo credit: Maia Lemov