I've written, possibly too often, about how cleaned-out closets are part of our legacy to our children and other assorted heirs. That is, whether they're in basements, attics or closets, the collections of items we no longer use and we know our kids don't want should be dealt with by us. We should chuck those papers that haven't been–and haven't needed to be–touched in years. I doubt our kids want their drawings from third grade or the story they wrote in middle school. (Check with them if you aren't sure, but don't be surprised at the rolled-eyes answer.)
It is a point of pride that I am joined in this crusade by Social Q's Philip Galanes. He makes the point more elegantly than I and looks at the issue in part by trying to figure out what's keeping us from moving our detritus out.
His column is in answer to a 40-year-old son whose father has asked him to speak to his stepmother about paring down her belongings which verge on the overwhelming. The father has already spoken to his wife, to no avail. Here are the key points Galanes makes about how widespread the issue is and what's keeping the stepmother from taking action.
The reluctance is prevalent:
"I receive many letters from readers who bemoan the chore of clearing out their parents’ cluttered homes after they die. So, I sympathize with this issue: Your father wants his affairs in better order, and you may be anxious about a cleanup that will fall into your lap."
There may be emotional reasons behind the inaction.
"Is she attached to these things? Does her mortality make her anxious? Does the task seem overwhelming to her?"
A little support (and a plan) could go a long way:
"Now, you might suggest to your father that he offer to sit with your stepmother while she sorts her things. She may appreciate the support. Or they could create a budget for helpers to clean when the time comes."
As Galanes suggests, there's a need to understand what's holding us back. Here's a Washington Post paragraph worth of ideas about a basic cause: decision fatigue.
“Decluttering is tiring not because of the physical effort, but because of the mental load. Every item forces a decision: Do I keep this? Will I need it? Does it still serve me? What if I regret tossing it?” This is known as decision fatigue, and it’s the reason decluttering efforts are often abandoned or avoided entirely.
A last word from me: As a proud survivor of a major downsizing (moving from a relatively big house to a smallish apartment), I was surprised at how many "throw away" and "give away" decisions were easy: doubles of photos taken years ago; old issues of magazines; paper files for articles written years ago when I was a freelancer. These were no brainers to toss away. Once I started, momentum took over. The harder decisions became easier. I managed to whittle us down to apartment-size living.
painting: Hilary Precis
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