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Β© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

Β© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

 

Conversation overheard two days before Thanksgiving:

First woman [who lives in Florida and has come north to see grownkids/grandkids}. "I flew into New York City to see Jacob [grandson] in a recital but the rest of the time I just ran errands for everyone–picking stuff up here, taking someone there. Now I'm here [Washington, D.C.] to see my son and his family and all I'm doing is running errands."

Second woman [who lives in Washington as do her grown children and Grands]: "I know what you mean. If my kids asked me to run out into the street and stop traffic, I'd do it."

Neither one's tone suggested they were complaining. To the contrary, there was a little bit of preening, an edge of braggadocio.

Truth be told, I wasn't an idle eavesdropper to this conversation. These were two acquaintances chatting away–as I pulled on my coat and gathered my belongings. I was on my way to the airport, to catch a plane to join my grown son and his family for the holiday. Paterfamilias and I were heading there, as usual, two days before the family festivities. The theory: not only would we miss the worst of congested Thanksgiving travel, but all the work of preparing the turkey feast wouldn't fall on my daughter-in-laws shoulders. We would be there in time to help with, yes, errands. 

What is it about errands for our grown kids and their family: Are we hoping to make life easier or more pleasant for them–save them a few steps here and there. Are we proving our value. Or just giving ourselves a pat on the back for being so supportive and wonderful.

And why do we chit-chatter on about the errand running. Do we do it to tell each other how useful we are to our children, to make ourselves feel needed, to let our friends and acquaintances know how busy and successful our children are–and how we are helping make that possible.

Or are we just talking about doing something our parents did for us: Seeing a need and filling it. A family tradition–for the holidays and beyond.

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4 responses to “Holidays with Grown Kids: What won’t we do to be–and feel–helpful?”

  1. Miriam Hendeles Avatar

    Great post! I think these marketplace chats where we grandmothers gather to share about our plans with our children and grandchildren are a form of bragging and “showing” ourselves and others that we are so very needed by our adult children. πŸ™‚ I think it’s harmless and par for the course, and we all do it from time to time…but I do have to say that when don’t feel that need to share all the details of my involvement with my grandkids, I feel better about myself. Now, all that being said – I have a Grandmother blog! And I wrote a book on the topic…but still – that’s different!! I talk about lessons I learned and growth achieved through my experiences. So – I guess Grandmother sharing is here to stay! Love this topic and I enjoy your blog!

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  2. penpen Avatar
    penpen

    I love the sharing–especially the lessons learned. I like it best when it isn’t in your face (a little self deprecation is always nice) and it doesn’t have that braggadocio attached to it.
    Thanks for stopping by. I always enjoy your comment Miriam

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  3. Lynn Hasselberger Avatar

    I don’t recall my parents running errands for me, although they live locally and came once a week when he was a baby so that I could run errands. Ha!

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  4. penpen Avatar
    penpen

    I guess we have a choice–run errands for our kids or give them the gift of our time so they can run the errands themselves. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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