PenPenWrites

A friend I haven't seen in a while has moved back to my city. Her daughter and family live here. So she and her husband have a built in welcoming committee. At least, that is how we outsiders whose children live elsewhere see it.

As she and I are talking–we are trying to make plans to have lunch–I suggest we meet onThursday or Friday of the next week.

She is hesitant. She and her daughter are planning to have lunch on one
of those days, but the daughter hasn't let her know which one yet. "It's
a difficult situation," my friend says. My answer: "Let me know which
one your daughter doesn't want and we'll have lunch on that day."

I don't need to know the specifics about "difficult." I just know we are all on eggshells and in touchy situations when we deal day-to-day with our grown children. We want to do things together–have lunch with a daughter, invite a son over for dinner–but some of us are wary of intruding on their time and in their lives. And they seem to be equally wary about being intruded upon.

Whatever difficulty my friend and her daughter are having, I figure I can at least be willing to help. We may have to be flexible when it comes to our grown children–adaptable in finding graceful ways to accommodate their needs–but when it comes to friends we can just be flexible, as in plain old flexible.

Related articles

Parenting Adult Children: Backing off when we don't like their choice of romantic partner

Supporting Adult Children: The line between "Yes" and "Not Anymore"

Food for Thought: A lesson from adolescence that carries over to grown children