PenPenWrites

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© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

Our post-college graduates are not as grown up as we think we were at that age. That was one of the messages from this New York Times story "What Is It About 20-Somethings? The signs of change: They are marrying later than we did. The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s was 21 for women and 23 for men. By 2009, it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men. 

The article also pointed out that, as we wait for the mature-enough-to-marry stage, we give them more help–practical and advisory–than we got when we were their age. A survey by Karen Fingerman asked parents of 20-something children whether they provided their grown sons or daughters practical assistance (money or help with everyday tasks) in the previous month. In 2008, two out of three parents said they had. Twenty years ago, only one in three parents had. We're also more generous with advice, companionship and an attentive ear: 86 percent of today's parents reported they had provided advice and the like in previous month; less than half did so in 1988.

Then there's data gathered by the Network on Transitions to Adulthood. It finds that American parents–rich, poor and in-between– give 10 percent of their income to their 18- to 21-year old children.

This is not meant to be a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses moment–for measuring what you do against what others do. But it's interesting to have a date-driven perspective on how we're treating our 20-somethings, compared to the way our parents treated us–on average.

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2 responses to “Emerging Adulthood: Are you more indulgent of your 20-something than other parents?”

  1. Susan Adcox Avatar

    Very interesting thoughts. I married at 17, and my parents totally let me live my life. They didn’t give advice or offer financial help. They did babysit a bit when my daughter was born, thank goodness! I don’t advise marrying at 17, and I don’t advise cutting the apron strings completely at 17 or 18 or 19. But today’s kids could probably use a little more autonomy a little earlier.

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  2. Laurie@New Baby Gift Baskets Avatar

    This is a little surprising to me, I thought it was just my kids who were marrying later and needing some assistance!
    I don’t think that marrying later is a bad thing. By the time you are in your later 20’s, I think you know more of what you want in a spouse.
    As far as parents providing assistance, maybe it’s the economic times, but I know we still do also. It will be helpful when they can support themselves fully.

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