PenPenWrites

It's almost embarrassing: Like sibling rivalry,  grandparents can work up a good case of jealousy of the other grandparents–or anxiety that we will be loved less than they are by the little ones.

I've blogged about this before: Grandparents who live far from their children envy the grandparents who live closer to them. Envy might be a pleasant term for what can be a raw and rivalry-driven emotion–and one that can be destructive if the grown kids get wind of it.

How competitive can it get? A Canadian article put it this way: "Even the sweetest, most devoted grandparents can get competitive. How does
one set feel if the other set of grandparents lives closer to the grandkids?
Who gets to see them more often? Who do the grandchildren phone first when they
get a good report card — or when they get home from summer camp?"

And there's more: "Factors like the number of grandchildren, physical distance and differences
in socio-economic status can exacerbate the competition. If, say, there's only
one grandchild, competition between grandparents is usually stiffer.
Grandparents who live out of town tend to be jealous of those who live closer
to their grandchildren, and grandparents whose children's in-laws are wealthier
than they are may worry the grandchildren will prefer the grandparents who
supply the more lavish gifts."

So, true love is not easy, even when it should be. There are some words of advice if you're suffering through the pangs of jealousy. California psychiatrist Arther Kornhaber says don't bother feeling guilty about having
jealous feelings. It's how you handle them that counts.

For those worried that the wealthier set of grandparents will have more sway over their grandchild's love, Kornhaber says it isn't so. "Grandparents need to understand that everyone makes their own
contribution. What children value most are basic human values like
love, caring and being there when needed. Time together and undivided
attention supersedes everything else, including money," he said.

There can even be benefits to being the out-of-town grandparents who don't see the grandchild as often as the other set of grandparents do. Coming to visit and staying in the grown child's home lets grandparents experience
their grandchildren's lives in a way the grandparents who live around the corner do not.