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© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

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© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

Legacy Planning: Update on dividing up the non-monetary stuff

Full table cezanne Peppermint Bottle

Last week I posted Philip Galanes advice to a mother whose daughters (two out of three) coveted the pearl necklaces the mother no longer wore. His suggestion: Ask the daughters if they wanted heirloom pearl necklaces–or other items in her jewelry box–as a way of dividing up the mother's estate.

Since that post, Galanes has heard from another reader who says she's been asking her daughters for years if they want various family heirlooms and all she gets is, "I don't care." What to do, the second reader wants to know.

Galanes' answer is a reminder to many of us who have been rightsizing, downsizing or just facing the frustration of trying to place family treasures with the next generation.

Unless you have reason to believe your children are not being forthcoming  (it can feel creepy to say "I want that after you're dead!), take them at their word.

painting:Paul Cezanne

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2 responses to “Legacy Planning: Update on dividing up the non-monetary stuff”

  1. Annie Rose Avatar
    Annie Rose

    One year ago my mother passed away and 3 years before that, my dad passed away. They had some nice things. But at the end of the day, I took very little of their prized possessions. I chose a few things to remind me of them or that held special childhood memories. My favorite item: a cheap, repurposed cookie tin that my mom put her homemade cookies in. I asked my daughters if they wanted any of the stuff, which included actual silverware, crystal, and 3 different china sets. They wanted zero of it. The younger generation has the right idea. They like very few material possessions. They are wise.

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  2. penny Avatar
    penny

    Hi Annie
    I had the same experience. When we moved from our house to an apartment, I asked my kids if they wanted any of the treasures our parents had accumulated–silverware, china sets, crystal. The answer was “None of the above.” They live a different life style than our parents did. They’re more likely to serve take-out food on paper plates than haul out fragile sets of china that need to be hand-washed.

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