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© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

© Penelope Lemov and Parenting Grown Children, 2025. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

 

After they graduate from college, many young adults give their parents a scare: They bum around–travel the country, try out non-career jobs, test-run relationships. It's a drop-out moment–a sudden roughness on the road to what we assumed would be a smooth adulthood.

Should we worry?  David Brooks puts it in perspective for us in this excerpt from a column in the New York Times.

"As emerging adults move from job to job, relationship to relationship and city to city, they have to figure out which of their meanderings are productive exploration and which parts are just wastes of time. This question is very confusing from the inside, and it is certainly confusing for their parents.

Yet here is the good news. By age 30, the vast majority are through it. The sheer hardness of the “Odyssey Years” teaches people to hustle. The trials and errors of the decade carve contours onto their hearts, so they learn what they love and what they don’t. They develop their own internal criteria to make their own decisions. They fear what other people think less because they learn that other people are not thinking about them; they are busy thinking about themselves.

Finally, they learn to say no. After a youth dazzled by possibilities and the fear of missing out, they discover that committing to the few things you love is a sort of liberation. They piece together their mosaic.

One thing we can tell young grads and their parents is that this is normal. This phase is a thing. It’s a not a sentence to a life of video games, loneliness and hangovers. It’s a rite of passage that makes people strong.

 

 

 

 

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4 responses to “Observations: David Brooks on the post-college struggles of emerging adults”

  1. Mithra Ballesteros Avatar

    OMG, I never would have guessed that David Brooks has more patience than me: “by age thirty, the vast majority are through it.” Eek! I do love the HBO show, Girls, which is all about the “Odyssey Years” but that’s television, not real life!

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  2. Donna Tagliaferri Avatar

    I am so happy to read this, I have 4 grown children and remain without a clue

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  3. Donna Tagliaferri Avatar

    I am not sure if my comment erased itself or not…loved this, I have 4 grown children….

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  4. penny Avatar

    we [and out kids] may be better off remaining clueless. It’s a whole lot better than helicoptering young adults and being a know-everything or I-told-you-so.
    Thanks for stopping by to share your thoughts.

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