PenPenWrites

Sigh. The time is nigh. High schools graduates–the adolescents we put up with lo these many high school years–are now college freshman. That means they're Emerging Adults and more to the point, they are moving out from under our roof–and our control. They are taking a giant step toward independence from us. Which means they're leaving us behind.

That's what Michael Gerson writes about in a Washington Post column. He share his insights into the parental mind (his) and reminds us of some comments from professionals.

Here's some of what he has to say about the trauma he experienced and reminiscences his mind traveled on the day he dropped off his oldest son at college:

….Eighteen years is not enough. A crib is bought. Christmas trees get
picked out. There is the park and lullabies and a little help with
homework. The days pass uncounted, until they end. The adjustment is
traumatic. My son is on the quiet side — observant, thoughtful, a
practitioner of companionable silence. I’m learning how empty the quiet
can be.

I know this is hard on him as well. He will be homesick,
as I was (intensely) as a freshman. An education expert once told me
that among the greatest fears of college students is they won’t have a
room at home to return to. They want to keep a beachhead in their former
life.

But with due respect to my son’s feelings, I have the
worse of it. I know something he doesn’t — not quite a secret, but
incomprehensible to the young. He is experiencing the adjustments that
come with beginnings. His life is starting for real. I have begun the
long letting go. Put another way: He has a wonderful future in which my
part naturally diminishes. I have no possible future that is better
without him close….

…The end of childhood, of course, can be the start of adult relationships
between parents and children that are rewarding in their own way. I’m
anxious to befriend my grown sons. But that hasn’t stopped the random,
useless tears. I was cautioned by a high-powered Washington foreign
policy expert that he had been emotionally debilitated for weeks after
dropping off his daughter at college for the first time. So I feel
entitled to a period of brooding.

Related articles

Monday Morning Reader: Elinor Lipman's insights on the joy of being the parent of a grown child

Gerson: Beginning the long letting go