It's the great What If and the core fear of parents of adult children: What If our grown children cut us off–wouldn't answer our phone calls, emails or letters? Just wanted to have nothing to do with us?
This traumatic issue is not something I've dealt with in this blog–it's too deep for someone without therapeutic training. But there was a piece in the New YorkTimes recently that explored the issue briefly and relied on the wisdom of Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who has been through the trauma himself. The estrangement, Coleman says, appears to be happening more often, even among families where there has been no obvious cruelty or cause such as drug abuse or addiction. "This is not a story of parents who have made egregious mistakes," he says. "It's about parents who were good parents, who made mistakes that were certainly within normal limits."
If you're suffering through this trauma, check out some of the Web sites of professionals like Coleman–there are also a number of online chat rooms devoted to the subject–and take heart: Time and patience, persistent effort and small contacts, can pay off. That is how, Coleman reports, he was able to slowly repair his relationship with his daughter.
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