PenPenWrites

It's always been a dream of mine, to gather together my two grown children and their children and vacation together. It's an especial longing since uber son and alpha daughter and their families live far from the family manse. But I've pretty much given up on that one–different parenting styles, sibling rivalry and personal habits get in the way. Serial vacationing with overlap–that seems to be the way to go.

We did have some successful trips together when our children were younger adults–with or without significant but not necessarily permanent others. Our best bet: ski trips. Everyone busy at their own level; no need to be attached at the hip.They felt free to go out in the evening without us. And we were too tired to care if they stayed home or not.

Families who've tried more ambitious trips have often found it a rockier road. Here are some excerpts–observations, forewarnings and pointers–from a grown child on her trip to Japan with her retired parents and brother and sister.

 On my recent trip to Japan with my
20-something brother and sister and our retired parents, our great
times were tempered with an unexpected amount of tension for five
adults who were no longer a full-time family unit.

While Mom and Dad's idea of a family vacation may not have changed, the kids they were bringing with them sure had.

Many families …fall
into old parent/child roles and reprise arguments they may not have had
in years. While the children have adult relationships with each other,
it's their relationships with Mom and Dad that have yet to mature.

Some Good Pointers:

Mixing money and family can be worse on the
road. Avoid friction by establishing reasonable meal and accommodation
prices in advance. If budgets vary wildly, consider eating or staying
separately from time to time.

To keep things fair,
consider having a `slush fund' for incidentals. Have everyone
contribute the same amount of money to a common pool to be used for
taxis, tips, common needs

Plan
in advance and set everyone's expectations around activities that are
important to you. This will avoid last-minute conflict if there's
difficulty fitting everything in to your itinerary.

Be sure to have activities you want
to do privately, even if it's as simple as reading a book.

Though there were plenty
of tense moments on my family trip to Japan, we never took any pictures
when we weren't all speaking. As a result, we have an album
full of happy photo and positive memories.